I've been inactive a long time, on the Internet and my own websites. This has a reason, but it's hard to explain. I've never been good at explaining things. But I'll try. You can leave comments. I will reply but I don't know when. Oh, it's a long piece, so please sit down if you really want to know what's going on.

Some people think I vanished into thin air or something. That's not true of course. I'm still alive. I just don't feel all too well, but I'm not ill (anymore). I have been ill for a while, but that's over now. Fortunately.

I'm extremely tired lately. I can sleep a lot, and sleep some more, and more... At some point you get tired of being tired. Not just mentally, also physically. I am - I think - tired because I think too much about things. Many people don't understand. But look at it this way, there is no on/off switch which just turns off tiredness. There also is no such switch that makes you think less. I think a lot, that makes me who I am. It's the same as being sad. You can't just say "Okay, I'm happy now!" There is no switch. People who can do that, are lucky. I can't do it.

During fall and winter periods I often have "moods" and I'm not proud of it. But it's not something I asked for. Those moods make me tired. Eventually I got more and more tired. I finally reached a point where I have a decent daily rhythm in sleeping and being awake. I still sleep a lot. I often go to bed at around 9 at night and don't get out until 7 in the morning. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night (I don't know what wakes me up) even though I'm still tired. The times vary from around 3 to 6. Trying to get back to sleep won't work. Eventually I end up downstairs, where I make an attempt to really wake up. Often I don't get anything done then.

When I wake up in the middle of the night, I stay awake. I try, anyway. There are days when I'm exhausted again at 1 in the afternoon. And then I have to sleep again. In the end I'm still tired, whatever I try, I just don't seem to get any extra energy.

Currently I'm actively working on the sites again, but people who visit them won't see it. Because I'm:

1. I'm not logged in
2. I'm working in the "background". Mostly with the new site

You can always PM other administrators if you want to know something about the forum. Don't bother asking them where I am though. I do check my SNW mail daily. For those who know me better, you can also reach me on my "personal" mail address.

Oh, and gossip about my whereabouts are useless. If you're really interested in where I am, I'll say it again, I have an email address on which you can reach me. Guessing where I am won't get you anywhere. You don't have to show any personal interest in what's up with me, but if you want to know why the sites are silent and I seem to be nowhere, you can email me.

Sending me a PM also works just fine. I'll automatically be notified by mail if I receive a PM. So there's no reason to say you can't reach me.

Due to me being ill and tired there's not a lot going on at the website, but because it's going a bit better now I'll also do more in the "foreground" at SNW and other sites. In the period that I wasn't active on the sites, I have been busy. Including doing downloads. You'll see those appear on the sites.

Because I'm the only one who can add downloads to the site, I want to ask everybody to stop asking if you can upload items to the site. I still have to do that manually now and it takes a lot of time. Our new website will soon be online, and then you'll be able to upload items to the website yourself.

Everybody who doesn't have any compassion for the situation, too bad. I'm only human. Who can't understand that has a problem himself.

Furthermore I want to thank everybody for their support, especially the ones who talked to me in the mean time and asked me how I was. It means a lot to me to read mails etc. saying I'm missed (also as a human).

See you soon,

Rosana

I still have to recover from all the booze...

I lost my feet somewhere on the way...
It was so much fun! I'm afraid I was a little too excited though.

I hope the attending SNW team members didn't find me too eccentric. Although I have a hunch they did

I hugged practically everybody. And I had pictures taken of me with pretty much everybody.. Me and pictures: completely derailed after those chocolates...

My report will follow once I had enough sleep. Otherwise I won't think clearly, like, right now

I don't want to talk about it. It still hurts too much and I'm having trouble not to cry, so rather not. I only want to tell that Kirby died yesterday morning. He was 2 years and 3 months old.

Last weekend (Saturday to be precise) I got a shocking phone call from my mother. Like many friends know we're not always swimming in cash, but luckily I had some at hand now.

I was preparing dinner. Just as we sat down to eat, I got the phone call from my mother. She was panicking and told that Kirby couldn't walk anymore (his backside was dragging behind him). It only started that day and got worse by the minute.

In the end it turned out she had no money left, so I took some money out of my account so she could go to the vet. It turned out Kirby had struvite. He just made it, because the bladder shouldn't be larger than 1-3 cm in size, and it was 6 cm. The bladder was about to explode and that would have been the end of it.

The vet sent my mother home in between, because Kirby had already had 5 anesthesia shots and was screaming his lungs out. When my mother came to collect Kirby he was really woozy (because of the anesthesia). But he was alive!

Kirby is doing a little bit better now. He is still woozy, but recovering and you can see the rascal in him is waking up again. I can't cope with it, losing another cat, that would be the second this year. That's too many!

Kirby will probably remain ill the rest of his life, though he does get special food which should make things better. As long as he takes his medicine (he doesn't like that much though, which cat does?) and sticks to the special food.

I was really happy to see Kirby, although he looked a little 'dead' Saturday evening, which frightened me and made me think of Gizmo, who I think died of the same disease last March. Gizmo was suddenly ill as well. The vet here in Etten-Leur didn't want to help us. It was Sunday and they said we didn't care about Gizmo if we called on a Sunday night. Then why for God's sake do we call? Because we like that he's deadly ill? We called another vet and he wanted to help us, but not until the next morning. At least a vet who did want to help.

I stayed awake during the night, looking after Gizmo, but he died at half past 2 at night, while I was begging to fight just a little bit longer. I cried a lot. It feels terrible when a cat, half in coma, dies in your arms and you can't do anything about it.

It still hurts..

The hardest part is the waiting part. If you have to wait for something (in this case I'm waiting for my vacation to start, so I can leave for Luxembourg) it can feel like a long time. Meanwhile I'll try and entertain myself with my websites.

I'm still working on SNW, GP and MD. But I haven't done a lot lately for Spore. There isn't any news, so there's not much I can do.

Here are the abbreviations for those who are lost:
SNW = Simsnetwerk/Simsnetwork
GP = Glossy Pixel
MD = Miss Design

Have a great weekend!