~* Sleep *~
- 2 out of 3 voices in my head are telling me to go to bed. Even if the voices aren’t real, they have some pretty good ideas.
- 4 out of 5 voices in my head say go back to sleep.
- Doing some quality blanket and pillow bonding time.
- Everyone thinks I like to sleep. It’s not that I like it, I’m just really good at it.
- Everyone thinks I like to sleep. It’s not that I like to sleep, it’s just that I don’t like to get up.
- Hello pillow, have you met my face?
- I’m spending some quality time with my pillow.
- I’ve got an 8 hour ticket to dream land.
- I’ve slipped into a coma, but don’t call an ambulance. I’d like to stay like this for at least 8 hours.
- I am currently analyzing the patterns of light as they permeate the membranes of my eyelids to learn the meaning of life.
- I got this disease called sleepiness.
- I have a date with my blanket.
- I swear, I’m paying attention to you. The pillow and drool are just here for decoration.
- I value my sleep, and if you value your life, you’ll let me get my rest.
- If you are reading this, I am dead… Just kidding, I’m sleeping. But people do die in their sleep. Pleasant dreams!
- If you need me I’ll be sleeping, if you really need me I’ll still be sleeping, so leave a message.
- Less talk, more sleep.
- Sleep (n): A natural periodic state of rest for the mind and body, in which the eyes usually close and consciousness is completely or partially lost, so that there is a decrease in bodily movement and responsiveness to external stimuli.
- Sleep (n) : the natural periodic suspension of consciousness during which the powers of the body are restored.
- Sleep is actually a good substitute for coffee.
- Sleep is just a substitute for insufficient caffeine.
- Sleep; it’s what I do when I’m not awake.
- Suffocating my pillow.
- The Transitive Property of Sleep:
Me = Human
Human = Sleep
Me = Sleep
- The voices in my head are snoring so I guess that means its time for me to go to sleep.
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~* Being Sick *~
- Achooo, excuse me but I can’t type and sneeze at the same time.
- Don’t IM me. I’m contagious.
- I’m either lying in bed, taking medicine, blowing my nose, checking my temperature, or throwing up.
- I’m sick and irritable. Go away!
- I’m sick so leave me alone or I’ll sneeze on you.
- I’m sick, so unless you want to catch it, go away.
- I am worshiping the porcelain god.
- Puking in the bathroom. Care to come over and hold my hair for me?
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~* Shower*~
- Don’t waste water, shower with a friend.
- I’m hot… I’m wet… I’m naked… and it’s getting steamy in here. I’m in the shower you perverts.
- I’m in the shower, bars of soap around the world are jealous.
- I’m in the shower, but I’ll be back in a splash.
- I’m in the shower filming, "Rubber Duckies Gone Wild!"
- I’m in the shower right now, if you want to join me you can reach me at: 1-800-YOU-WISH.
- I got a date with a rubber ducky.
- In the shower, I’ll be right ba… wait a minute. You’re thinking of me naked, aren’t you? Well if you weren’t before, you are now.
- It’s that time of week again. I am in the shower.
- Lather, rinse, and repeat… Lather, rinse, and repeat… Lather, rinse, and repeat…
- Playing with my rubber duckie. I’ll be back when I’m all clean.
- Roses are red
Violets are blue
I’m in the shower
Wanna come too?
- Rubber Ducky, your the one, you make my bath time so much fun! In case you didn’t get the picture, I am in the shower.
- Spending some quality time with Mr. Soap and Mrs. Shampoo.
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~* Girls *~
- A wise man once said, "I don’t know, go ask a woman!"
- Boys are dumb, throw rocks at them.
- Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.
- Boys are not pigs. Pigs are cute, considerate, and caring.
- Boys are so funny when they try to think.
- Boys aren’t stupid, girls are just smarter.
- Dear Heart,
I met a boy today… Prepare to be shattered!
- Girls are like phones, they liked to be held, and talked to but if you push the wrong button you will get disconnected.
- I’m a girl and I bite so don’t bother me.
- I’m not a complicated woman; I’m just good at complicating things.
- I’m not with Stupid… I dumped him.
- I don’t need your attitude… I’ve got my own.
- Mental anxiety, Mental breakdowns, Menstrual cramps, Menopause… Did you ever notice how all our problems begin with Men?
- Never call a boy a pig; you might insult the pig!
- Waiting for the right guy, meanwhile having fun with all the wrong ones.
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~* Funny *~
- Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
- Even if you’re paranoid, maybe they really are after you.
- Hello, you have reached the automated answering service for <<Your Screen Name Here>>, your message will be answered to in the order in which it was recieved, your message is number 8,243, please hold, your message is important to me.
- I’m not paraniod… but I know that you think I am.
- I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!
- I am not currently available right now. However, if you would like to be transferred to another correspondent, please press the number that best fits your personality:
- -If you are obsessive compulsive, please press "1" repeatedly.
- If you are codependant, please ask someone to press "2".
- If you have multiple personalities, please press "3", "4", and "5".
- If you are paranoid delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace your call.
- If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the little voice will tell you which number to press.
- If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter what number you press, no one will answer.
- I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other, and when I am alone I am together.
- I only have pms on days that end in the letter "y".
- I will be back in 2 minutes, if not read this message again.
- If con is the opposite of pro, what’s the opposite of progress?
- Imagine, if you will, a world without hypothetical situations.
- Just because you aren’t paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not after you.
- Let’s practice our right and left. You’re right, I left!
- My cat thinks I’m crazy. I’ll be back when I’m done arguing with him.
- My lawyer has told me to reply "no comment" as to my current whereabouts.
- Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
- Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity.
- Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
- Tell your little voices to shut up, I can’t hear mine!
- The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I couldn’t care less.
- The voices inside my head, don’t like you. So go away!
- You have just recieved the Amish Computer Virus. Since the Amish don’t have computers, it is based on the honor system. So please delete all the files from your computer. Thank you for you cooperation.
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~* Food *~
- Did you ever realize that whenever people tell you they are on a diet they are eating or getting ready to eat? Be Right Back, I’m On a Diet….
- Food is like gasoline. People are like cars. Gasoline fuels cars. Food fuels people. I’m refueling right now.
- Hunger has driven man to insanity, today it has driven me from my computer.
- I’m doing that thing. You know, the one where you pick the food up, put it in your mouth, swallow it, then repeat the process until the stomach hurts.
- I’m eating the 5th most important meal of the day.
- I’m single-handily trying to free the world of hunger, starting with myself.
- I’m watching a really boring cooking show… Oh wait, that’s the microwave.
- I am at my refrigerating unit…
- I am replenishing the nutritional supplements my body needs to maintain homeostasis and keep an adequate energy balance.
- I could give up on junk food, but I’m not a quitter.
- I heard my stomach growling and I got scared so I’m giving it what it wants.
- If you eat right, exercise, and sleep well, you still die. Therefore I am ignoring all of that and pigging out.
- Instant messaging is good, but food is better.
- My stomach is growling and I’m answering.
- Statistics say that people who eat live longer than those who don’t, so I am eating right now.
- Transitive Property of Food:
Me = Human
Human = Eat Food
Me = Eat Food
- Warning: Animals will bite if disturbed while eating.
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~* Bored *~
- Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored… Do you get the picture?
- Boredom is my best subject. I’m studying it right now.
- Hi, I’m Bored, what’s your name?
- I’m suffering from a severe case of boredom.
- I am bored. I am bored. I am bored. I am bored. I am bored. I am bored. I am bored…
- I’m so bored. Let me know if you want to join me.
- I’m very very very very very (feel free to interrupt) very very bored.
- I have a disease called boredom and am currently out to find a cure.
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~* General *~
- <Insert witty away message here.>
- 01001001 00100000 01100001 01101101 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 (this is binary for "I am not here")
- Anywhere but here.
- Either I’m not here or I’m deciding to ignore you… Let’s hope I’m not here, which means you should leave a message, unless you think I’m ignoring you. In that case don’t leave a message. I’ll let you decide what to do.
- I’d tell you what I’m doing, but then I’d have to kill you.
- I’ll be back in 5 minutes and if I’m not… Wait longer.
- I’ll get back to you when I feel like it.
- I’m away… hence the "Away Message".
- I’m not here right now, so cry me a river, build me a bridge, and get over it.
- I’m not here right now. That could only mean one thing. I’m somewhere else.
- I would tell you where I am but I don’t know myself.
- My computer is away from me right now.
- Right person, wrong time!
- Talk to the message cause the face ain’t home.
- This is an away message. What do you think it means?
- You know the drill, you leave a message, and I’ll ignore it.
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~* Silly *~
- <<Your Screen Name Here>>’s computer is broken right now. This is her fridge. Now, you can leave a message, but say it slowly, so I can write it on a post-it note and stick it to myself.
- At the zoo, freeing all the animals.
- Come to the Dark Side… We have cookies!
- Hello! This is Goldilocks. I’m busy right now eating porridge with the three bears, be back as soon as we settle which bowl of porridge is juuussst right!
- Here are some words of encouragement: Encouragement, Encouragement, Encouragement…
- I’m tickling myself, I’ll be back later. Ha ha ha ha…
- I am surfing the web right now. If I am not back in an hour you might want to jump in and save me.
- I didn’t lose my mind; I just sold it on eBay.
- If you can guess what I’m doing I’ll give you a cookie.
- If you’re paddling upstream in a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes fit in a doghouse? None! Ice cream doesn’t have bones.
- My imaginary friend thinks you have some serious problems.
- My Rules:
1. I am always right.
2. Just in case I am wrong see rule number 1.
- Shhh… Can’t talk, squirrels are watching.
- The <<Your Screen Name Here>> Show will be back after a message from our sponsor. So stay tuned!
- There are plenty more fish in the sea, but who wants to go out with a fish?
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~* Geeky *~
- #!/usr/bin/girl
- Roses are #FF0000
Violets are #0000FF
All my base
Are belong to you
- There’s no place like 127.0.0.1
- There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t
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